December 20, 2007

Editorial

In all seasons, acts of kindness

I didn’t stay long at the first job I had out of college — it was low pay and even lower prestige — but I’ve often thought that job was one of the most meaningful I’ve ever had. I was a nurse’s aid at a nursing home, and, to my great surprise, found the work not only not depressing, but joyful.

There were, of course, tragic stories. Most residents were sick or alone. But there was so much more there than sadness; I found a depth of connection I didn’t expect. Many elderly residents, having lost much of their language and many social conventions, simply loved to look into someone’s eyes — long, soulful looks, the sort we don’t give each other unless we’re children or newly in love. I loved gazing back. And these folks loved to touch. They didn’t care if they knew you; they took your hand, and held on. It seemed they needed the same things we all need — affection, touch, respect — but they needed them more. Somehow the clarity of their needs allowed those who worked there — the younger, “normal” ones who were less apt to gaze or to touch — to be more giving, more human.

My mother now lives at Friends Care Community’s extended care facility, and I often remember that long ago job. Friends Care is not a perfect place; as in all nursing homes, things don’t always go as well as they should. But it’s very good, and when I visit, I most often feel joy. Sometimes it’s puzzling. I believe I feel joy because when I go there I witness, all around me, so many acts of caring, so much love.

The story of Ed and Nan Vernot, on the front page, is one story of kindness at Friends Care Community. There are so many more stories — kindness between parents and children, between husband and wife and especially, between the employees and residents. I see employees continually go out of their way to do the small thing — the smile, the touch, the silly remark — to make an old, frail or lonely person feel noticed, appreciated, seen. I see how much difference those small things make to my mother.

In this holiday season, I’m especially grateful for Friends Care Community. It’s a wonderful place to witness acts of kindness. And if we happen to be feeling lonely or sad, it’s a wonderful place to take the hand of someone we don’t even know, and hold on.

—Diane Chiddister