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December 2, 2004
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December 2, 2004 |
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Yellow Springs families feel effects of Issue 1’s passage
If you want to see the human face of the effects of the passage of State Issue 1, you need not look far. You need only to look at the faces of your neighbors, your co-workers or the parents of your children’s friends to see how the constitutional amendment, which Ohioans approved in the Nov. 2 election, has rocked the lives of local same-sex couples. On those faces you might see shock, anger, despair and, finally, determination, as villagers come to terms with how best to address the issue. Ohio voters overwhelmingly passed Issue 1, which defines a marriage as between a man and a woman. It also prohibits the state and local governments and public universities from recognizing or providing benefits to unmarried couples. Similar ballot issues were also passed by huge margins in 10 other states on Election Day. While some outside the gay and lesbian community may see Issue 1’s passage as no big deal, those whose lives are directly affected say it changes everything. “The impact is enormous,” said Cheryl Meyer, who is raising two daughters with her partner, Deb Zendlovitz. “It hit hard. It felt like the country mobilized in hate against us,” Zendlovitz said. Margaret Hackett, who has two sons with her partner, Elizabeth Lutz, said she was so distraught on Nov. 3 that she couldn’t leave her home, and when she did finally go to Tom’s Market she burst into tears when someone offered condolences. It took her years to feel safe enough to bring children into a world that seemed increasingly accepting of same-sex couples, Hackett said. But now she doesn’t feel safe at all. “It’s a battle you fight every day,” Hackett said of living in what appears to be a homophobic society. “Life is hard enough to begin with, and we deal with the same things everyone else does and this on top. I feel like I’m back to where I was when I was 17, only the hill we’re climbing just got steeper.” Many heterosexual villagers also feel galvanized by Issue 1’s passage, as indicated by the large turnout on Friday, Nov. 19, at a meeting organized in response to the Nov. 2 vote. “It’s really about people’s rights as American citizens, and whether those rights can be denied because your skin color is different or your bedroom is different,” said Toni Dosik, who attended the meeting with her friend, Len Kramer. “It’s pure and simple. It’s not right.” Issue 1’s passage affects same-sex couples in a multitude of ways, according to several villagers interviewed last week, ranging from tangible, financial losses to the intangible but even more critical emotional impact. For Meyer and Zendlovitz, the financial impact is clear and significant. A psychologist who teaches at Wright State, Meyer pays about $5,000 a year for insurance to cover Zendlovitz and one of the couple’s daughters, 3-year-old Sara. Meyer’s other daughter, Rachel, for whom she is the legal parent, is covered by the insurance she receives through Wright State. Because Zendlovitz is a stay-at-home mom, she can’t afford to pay for insurance. Before Nov. 2, Wright State, after much prodding, seemed to be moving closer to offering benefits to same-sex couples, something several other universities have done this year, Meyer said. But now, Meyer said, it seems extremely unlikely that the university will offer such benefits. Until Nov. 2 the Yellow Springs school system was lobbying the co-op through which the district purchases health insurance to provide benefits for same-sex couples, said Hackett, a stay-at-home mom whose partner teaches at Yellow Springs High School. However, since the amendment’s passage, the couple was notified that providing domestic benefits was unlikely to happen, said Hackett, who currently has no insurance. Meyer, Zendlovitz and Hackett also live with the insecurity of not having parental rights to all of their children. Zendlovitz is the legal mother of Sara and Meyer of Rachel; Hackett is not the legal parent of either of the two sons she has raised. If Sara became ill and were taken to the hospital, Meyer said, she would not have the right to see her daughter, a situation that seems very real to her and that fills her with fury. “If Sara were in the hospital and I couldn’t see the child I raised, I don’t know what I’d do,” Meyer said. “I could harm someone.” Even more sobering, the women live with the knowledge that if their partner died, they would have no legal rights to the children they raised, Meyer said. Meyer and Zendlovitz said that the publicity surrounding Issue 1 — including a taped phone call to their home, made during the campaign, from Ohio Secretary of State Kenneth Blackwell, in which he declared that children are better off with a mother and father, has affected not only themselves but also their children. Their 8-year-old daughter, Rachel, seems to feel more insecure and needs reassurance that her family will stay together, Zendlovitz said. “It’s not family values to have your 8-year-old worried about her family splitting up,” she said. Hackett and Lutz have pursued all available legal paths to give stability to their partnership, Lutz said, but since Issue 1’s passage, they are unsure whether those legal steps will hold. “It makes us feel vulnerable,” she said. Some people ask her why Issue 1’s passage makes a difference, Lutz said, since the Ohio Legislature had banned same-sex marriage earlier this year. The difference, she said, is that before Nov. 2, they felt hopeful. “We were looking toward the future” and the possibility of someday having a civil partnership that would protect their rights, said Lutz, but now that day seems very far off. Lutz said she wishes more people knew same-sex couples, so that they would understand that those parents love their children, and each other, just as much as married couples do. “We get up in the morning and make breakfast for our kids and we all eat dinner together. We bake Christmas cookies,” she said. “I would invite anyone to examine my family and my beautiful children and tell me I don’t have the right” to the same rights as heterosexual families, she said. Each morning as she goes out the door to work, Lutz said, Hackett tells her to hold her head up high, that they always knew people against them were out there but “we didn’t know how many,” she said. But Meyer said that despite the despair caused by Issue 1’s passage, she has found reasons to be hopeful. She said she has been overwhelmed by support from others, both gay and straight. The night of the election, a friend, Brendan Comerford, whose children have played with Meyer’s and Zendlovitz’s daughters, came to her residence, distraught over the passage of the amendment. In an e-mail she wrote the next day, Meyer said that she had cried for what she didn’t have — a regular life — and also for what she had: “My incredible kids and partner. This guy at my door on a cold rainy night willing to do what he could to make my life better and fight for equality. My 83-year-old mother, who wanted to vote for Bush but didn’t because of me...The neighbor who barely knows me who stopped my daughter and I as we walked to school this morning and said, ‘I’m glad you all are here.’ My allies, our allies.” Energized by that support, Meyer, Zendlovitz and Gail Cyan organized last month’s meeting, which was attended by almost 70 people. Those at the gathering expressed their despair over Issue 1’s passage, but mostly they suggested ways to respond to the issue. They spoke about the need for educating people for greater tolerance and strategies for witnessing and making systemic changes as well as ways of staying informed and connected to each other. Several also suggested that Village Council could take a stand against Issue 1. “Let’s start that ripple effect,” Karen Swinger said at the meeting. People interested in joining the effort should contact Meyer or Zendlovitz at 937-545-5172. The group is planning a second meeting Sunday, Dec. 5, from 2 to 4 p.m., at the Senior Center. Villagers need to see that human face of Issue 1, Cyan said. “This issue is about people,” she said, “and people are getting hurt.”
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